Shop Update

I got most of my new jewelry listed in my etsy shop today. Go check it out and add me to your favorites if you have an etsy account!

Terrible Twos

A new milestone to record on the blog!

Uh-oh! Someone got in trouble today!
Noah is glad it's not him because he remembers having to sit on...

...The Naughty Mat. We haven't seen it for a few years but now that a certain two year old has been wreaking havoc it's time to bring it out again.

Poor Toby! He had to serve his first two minute time-out on the Naughty Mat. When the timer went off he and Mommy talked about why it's not okay to take books off the bookshelf and throw them. Toby said, "Sorry, Mama," and Mommy said, "I forgive you, Toby. Let's hug!" And the naughty mat was rolled up and put away. No more sad faces to see on mats or mommies!

New Jewelry Designs

I attempted to take pictures of my latest jewelry designs today. I am getting better but I am still a pretty lousy photographer. Thankfully a friend of a friend is going to help me out by taking pictures for me to post on etsy. And I'm going to keep trying to figure this whole lighting thing out on my little wimpy camera.

But enough of my whining. Here's what you really want to see:

Hopefully my photographer will be available to help me soon because I really want to get these on etsy. But, in the meantime if you see something you love and can't live without let me know!

My Three Sons

I wanted a girl. My heart aches even typing those words. I wanted the dresses and the ruffles and the mother-daughter shopping. At the ultrasound the baby kept its legs tightly crossed. No matter how much the tech shook my belly or had me walk around it would just not change position. Stubborn little creature! And so we were forced into being surprised. But I knew in my heart that it was a boy. When they placed Noah James in my arms with his chubby swollen face, my heart exploded with love and all my desires for a little girl flew out the window. Here was my son!

As he grew he continued to be a stubborn little creature. And he was all boy. Fire-trucks and airplanes and bugs and sound effects! And I loved it. I loved the boyness of it all.

And then came Tobin. From the start, when I cried to you all that I was newly pregnant and begged for your prayers for a healthy baby, I was sure he would be a girl. Everything felt so different. So it must be a girl, right? I even called him she in my early posts about all his developmental milestones. But then the ultrasound technician announced, "It's a boy!" I think my jaw dropped, "Really?"
"Yes, are you okay?"
"Oh, yes...I was just so sure it was girl."

And it took me a minute to get over my confusion but I was truly excited for more mud puddles and trains and robots. Plus, I obviously made really cute boys. And so Tobin was born and my heart swelled larger. I didn't know I could love so much and I was surprised to find that I didn't have to share my love for Noah. A whole new love grew out of nowhere just for Tobin. And if anything, my love for Noah grew, too.


I began to see my sons as a privilege. A responsibility and gift that I was to steward. God had placed in my hands two future men and it was my job to raise them. Geary and I together had the amazing opportunity to grow our boys into men who would love God and respect women and be kind, just, strong knights.

But...I still wanted a girl. And no longer for the dresses and ribbons. I wanted to know God's heart for raising a princess. I didn't want just a doll to dress up. I wanted a daughter. I wanted to raise a woman who would love God, who would be kind and just and strong. And so I resolved to pray for one. Every day I asked God for a daughter. I asked you to ask him, too.

He blessed me with another pregnancy. People asked me if I wanted a girl and I said, "Yes!" unashamedly. They asked if I had any gut feelings about the baby's sex. But I didn't. How could I? I had been convinced Tobin was girl and he wasn't. I couldn't even trust my instincts. But I hoped. Oh, how I hoped. And I dreamed. I saw my beautiful daughter, all dark curly hair, and big blue eyes, and my nose...Please, God, let her have my nose.

Today, the ultrasound tech said, "You're having a boy!" right away. I was caught off guard and I have to admit, my heart broke a little because I had prayed...and hoped...and dreamed. And suddenly I was embarrassed by my brazen open desire for a girl. And I was ashamed of my broken heart--what kind of selfish person am I to not be happy about another son? And I just wanted the ultrasound to be over so that I could cry. So that I could release my disappointment in private.

I didn't want to tell anyone else. I wanted to shout, "It's a girl!" Because I had wanted a girl. I didn't want to have to say that I was sad and yet I didn't want to have to pretend to be excited. Because I am excited but there is something I have to deal with first. Oh, I know I will be completely excited. I know I will love being the queen of the house with all my men surrounding me. I know I will dive further into the realm of Thomas the Tank Engine and worms and Superman. But first...I need to grieve. I have to mourn the loss of my hope for a little girl. At least for now. Who knows what God has in the future for my family? You may think I'm selfish or that my feelings about this are horrible and wrong. And some parts of them probably are. But I know God understands. I have spent this tear filled day telling Him that I want to hold my hopes with flat palms but that I need His help prying my fists open. And even now my tears of mourning are becoming tears of joy for my newest son.

To my son, if you ever read this, you must know that I was never, ever, EVER disappointed about YOU. All my grief is over the IDEA of a girl. And I have ALWAYS wanted you, even before I knew you were going to be mine. I have loved you since before I knew of your existence. And as I watched you today, moving inside of me, I praised God for giving you to me. You are my different dream. A better one because you are going to come true. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Love, Mama

I am only confessing all of this because I think it's important to record the truth of this moment. And because maybe, just maybe, someone else has felt the same way and they need to know that it's okay to grieve. Giving up on one dream does not have any bearing on how much you love or want your baby. And even though everyone around you may give trite answers about God knowing best, please know that God also knows your heart. He knows your hopes and dreams. Even though he may have answered your prayers with something completely different than what you asked for, He still cares about and catches each one of your tears because they and you are precious to Him.

More Furniture Makeovers

Dresser #1

I forgot to take a true before picture, so here is what the dresser looked like after being sanded. We bought it for $10 at a garage sale down the street. It was in pretty good shape but it looked kind of beat up because of all the stickers and sticker residue left on it.

And here it is after some fresh paint. We used the original brass drawer pulls and it kind of reminds me of those cabinets on ships where the captains keep their maps. I love the little wavy line of the skirt underneath.

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Dresser #2

I am kicking myself for forgetting to take a before picture. This dresser was seriously UGLY. Think brown and orange peeling paint with the ugliest square wooden drawer pulls you can imagine. $5 at garage sale and after I loaded it into our car I heard the old owner tell his wife, "I can't believe someone paid for that piece of junk!"

But it cleaned up pretty well and I actually think it would make a pretty attractive sideboard or behind the couch type of table. The drawers are nice and deep and would be perfect for holding board games.

There was just one little flaw that we couldn't fix. This broken corner on the middle drawer. With the black paint you can really can't notice it until someone points it out. I really hope it sells because the money from the sale of these two dressers is what I plan to use to buy some new maternity clothes!

Weigh In Wednesday::Week 6

Starting weight: 268.5
Weight last week: 267
Weight this week: 266
Weight lost this week: 1 lb
Total weight loss: 2.5 lbs

Another pound bites the dust! To be honest I don't know how this happened since I didn't have a great eating week. I chose good foods but bad, bad, beverages. But I'm motivated to make the best choices this week.

Thank you to those who have been commenting here and emailing me about their weight loss progress. I'm continually impressed by your honesty and your amazing attitudes, especially on weeks that don't go so well. Keep it up and know that I'm praying for all of you. How was this week?

Joking Around

This afternoon I tried to teach Noah some new jokes. You know...because knock knock jokes are only funny for about 10 seconds. He had some great reactions.

Jeana: A piece of string walks into a bar, climbs up on the stool and orders a drink from the bartender. The bartender looks at the string and says, "We don't serve your kind in this place."The string gets up and walks outside. He ties himself into a knot, frays up his ends and walks back into the bar. He climbs back up on a stool and says, "I'd like a drink please." The bartender says, "Hey! I told you before we don't serve your type. You're that same string who was in here earlier aren't you?"The string says, "Uh-uh! I'm a frayed knot."

Noah: Um...I don't get it.

Jeana: Okay, two muffins were baking in the oven. The first muffin said, "Sure is hot in here." The second muffin said, "Aaaaaah!! A talking muffin!"

Noah: Now that's funny!

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Jeana: Knock, knock.

Noah: Who's there?

Jeana: I eat mop.

Noah: I eat mop who?

Jeana: You eat your poo?? Gross!

Noah: That's (gasp) so (gasp) funny! I'm (gasp) gonna (gasp) tell Dad!

Noah: Hey dad! Knock, knock!

Geary: Who's there?

Noah: I eat my poo! Hahahahahah! Wait (gasp) I messed that up (gasp)! Hahahahaah!
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But the best joke was unintended...

Noah: Mom, can I watch more kid shows?

Jeana: No. You've already watched a couple hours today.

Noah (rolling his eyes): Humph!

Jeana: What? Do you think I'm a mean old mom?

Noah: Yes!

Jeana: Why? Because I won't let you rot your brain?

Noah: No. Because you never let me relax through the day!

Jeana: Haaahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahhahaahahahaaaaaaaaaa!

I am still wiping tears of laughter over this.